Dad’s Annual Meeting

As I was flying back on the plane from San Francisco, I thought about mom being so excited for this trip. She knew about it at least a year in advance and told us to save the date. This weekend dad ended his year as the president of the American Society of Anesthesiologists. Mom was so excited for his year of presidency. There would be a lot of traveling so she had gotten a new suitcase and a new carry on purse that had tons of room. I used that carry on bag. I love using or wearing her stuff. It brings comfort. I thought about her the whole time we were there. If she had not been diagnosed, she would have been hopping on and off that tour bus with is. She would have been going with me to every store. She would have loved just being near the water whether it was on the pier or on the ferry. If she were still here today, she would have said “here’s my credit card. Go have fun with my babies.” And afterwards, we would have come back and watched movies. I loved going on trips with her.

All weekend I heard the same thing: You look exactly like your mother. I love it. Mom would always say “oh you poor thing.” I never understood why. She was beautiful. My favorite comment was from a friend and colleague of dad. I walked into dinner and he came up to me and said, “you are so much of a spitting image of your mother that it knocked me back. I felt like she was walking into the room.”

I heard so many nice and comforting and heartfelt things about mom. They shared many fond memories of her. I felt so hollow even so. I cried every night in the shower. It hurts knowing how excited she was about this trip. It hurts seeing my dad alone amidst other doctors with their wives. When he spoke at dinner, I cried. I had actually become overwhelmed with emotion at that first dinner when he simply spoke her name.  I’m not really sure why. But seeing him get emotional will always make me emotional. Every time he spoke of his career choices, he always says “we”, “us”, “together”. They always made decisions together and his years leading up to his presidency, she was always supporting and encouraging him. She was so proud of him.

So he started this journey as president with mom by his side at the meeting.

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And he finished with his children and grandchildren by his side and mom smiling down on us. As one of dad’s colleague’s said, “Just look over your shoulder and you will see Cindy!”

Dad at ASAJoseph and Matthew were cheering us on from home because of work.

 

About Sherry

I'm not sure about me yet. I lost my mom, my best friend, my confidant to brain cancer. I see the good it has brought in others, I'm just not sure yet how it has changed me for the better. Her kindness and finding joy in sadness has been passed to us, but this is a pain I have never felt. I know she would not want us sitting around crying, she would want us enjoying each other and laughing and continue to grow closer. She loved when we all got together and just laughed and that's what we have been doing. But honestly, I'm really scared of life without her. I relied on her for everything. Most of my time was spent with her, so I'm just not sure about me. I just take it day by day and try to find the beauty of gray.
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2 Responses to Dad’s Annual Meeting

  1. mylesmama says:

    Glad you guys had a good time, considering all the change and difficulty you guys have all been having to adjust to. I still cry in the shower sometimes. And if my dad shows even the tiniest bit of emotion, I lose it. I guess my whole life he has been so stoic and so unemotional that I just can’t take it when I see how much he hurts and misses her too. I get it. I do, I do. Thinking of you. Looking forward to seeing your brother and Monica in Mansfield this weekend. Take care.

  2. Vanessa says:

    This made me cry. It makes me realize even more the precious life we have. Like many..we think it could never turn and we could loose someone we never imagine loosing. I know Cindy would never want to return here to earth. She is in heaven where there are no tears or sorrow. Glory surrounds her and that Glory she wants surrounded in every way around all of you here on earth.One day, each one of you will run to her arms again.

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