Those Special Moments

I have found myself daydreaming a lot lately. Mostly about mom of course. I was thinking back on those 2 weeks or so she was in the hospital before she came home with hospice care. It was a roller coaster of emotions. I remember just wanting to soak up every last minute of it. If I was sitting next to mom, I was holding her hand. I would talk about everything. When I ran out of things to talk about, I would show her pictures and videos from the phone or iPad. For awhile, she was still smiling and laughing. Gradually it went to just looking. Just staring. I would stare into her eyes the whole time. I would smile hoping to get one back in return. When she smiled or laughed, all of us would rejoice like she was a child just learning how to do these things. We would take it and cherish that moment. When she would cry, we would cry. Her cry at this time was something I had never heard and is forever burned into my memory. Anyone else that heard it would say the same thing. It was the most heartbreaking sound to hear a cry from a woman that so badly wants to speak but can’t. When the crying became far and few between is when we knew “the beast” was taking her over. We would get glimpses of her. She would cry out and we would jump to comfort her and talk to her until she would slowly settle Into that stare again, the beast rearing it’s ugly head. I tried to get in as much as I could during those periods. Tell her how much I loved her. How she was the most amazing mother. How she was my best friend. How we would all be ok. We would take care of each other and look out for each other. These things made her cry more, but that assured me that she understood. I had to tell her. She had to know. We all had our alone time with her. To say goodbye. To tell her how amazing she was. I am forever grateful that I had those special moments even though they were extremely hard.

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About Sherry

I'm not sure about me yet. I lost my mom, my best friend, my confidant to brain cancer. I see the good it has brought in others, I'm just not sure yet how it has changed me for the better. Her kindness and finding joy in sadness has been passed to us, but this is a pain I have never felt. I know she would not want us sitting around crying, she would want us enjoying each other and laughing and continue to grow closer. She loved when we all got together and just laughed and that's what we have been doing. But honestly, I'm really scared of life without her. I relied on her for everything. Most of my time was spent with her, so I'm just not sure about me. I just take it day by day and try to find the beauty of gray.
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8 Responses to Those Special Moments

  1. Mindy says:

    Such a painfully beautiful post! Thank you for for sharing!
    Min

  2. Clarisa says:

    I miss her and think about her every single day. There is so much I need to tell her or talk to her about……and then I realize she already knows. So I tell her anyway. I feel as if I l

  3. Clarisa says:

    …..lost a security blanket. She was and is so special. I cherish the time and the laughs we shared.

  4. Sherry says:

    Your post brings to mind the hallowed ground surrounding Cindy, and all of you, especially during those last few weeks. She was ever comforted and strengthened by your presence – looking at all of you sitting, standing, and laying around that room at MDAH, and later at the house, it was a special family time. Have to believe the LORD was there as well. I don’t understand GOD’s Plan, or the WHY of GOD’s Plan, but, am holding to the certainty He does have His Plan. I find myself picking up the cellphone to call her just like I still pick it up to call Ray as I leave the office each day – driving time was always time to catch up – was the same with Mother too. Just cannot bring myself to remove the contact info for either Cindy or Ray – don’t think I ever will. At the Lifeline Chaplaincy dinner last night at the Westin Galleria, I was again reminded of our last lunch/shopping time together there – just before the last surgery. Heaven grows brighter with each loved one’s passing – there seems to be quite a few of ours there now! So, so proud of the effort you and MIndy are making – to make a difference!

    • Sherry says:

      I can’t remove her contact info either. Or the texts. I miss the catch up phone calls also. Everything I look at reminds me of her

    • Mindy says:

      NoAunt Sherry. It’s NOT getting brighter! Take it back! You ain’t going anywhere! Lol! Yes, I agree! Gosh, I bet your car ride home is different! Do you call the boys or the girls now? Call me anytime you can’t get someone, you know I like to talk your ear off;-)
      Love you!!!
      Min

  5. Ashley Franklin says:

    My heart just aches for all of y’alls loss! I can’t seem to get it off my mind or stop crying with y’all, and I only met her a handful of times!! That is how amazing she was, you just met her once and you could feel the love and faith in her heart! Heaven definitely gained an angel and I can just imagine her loving and rocking all the babies and children that haven’t been reunited with a parent yet. My thoughts and prayers are certainly with you all.

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