I have found myself daydreaming a lot lately. Mostly about mom of course. I was thinking back on those 2 weeks or so she was in the hospital before she came home with hospice care. It was a roller coaster of emotions. I remember just wanting to soak up every last minute of it. If I was sitting next to mom, I was holding her hand. I would talk about everything. When I ran out of things to talk about, I would show her pictures and videos from the phone or iPad. For awhile, she was still smiling and laughing. Gradually it went to just looking. Just staring. I would stare into her eyes the whole time. I would smile hoping to get one back in return. When she smiled or laughed, all of us would rejoice like she was a child just learning how to do these things. We would take it and cherish that moment. When she would cry, we would cry. Her cry at this time was something I had never heard and is forever burned into my memory. Anyone else that heard it would say the same thing. It was the most heartbreaking sound to hear a cry from a woman that so badly wants to speak but can’t. When the crying became far and few between is when we knew “the beast” was taking her over. We would get glimpses of her. She would cry out and we would jump to comfort her and talk to her until she would slowly settle Into that stare again, the beast rearing it’s ugly head. I tried to get in as much as I could during those periods. Tell her how much I loved her. How she was the most amazing mother. How she was my best friend. How we would all be ok. We would take care of each other and look out for each other. These things made her cry more, but that assured me that she understood. I had to tell her. She had to know. We all had our alone time with her. To say goodbye. To tell her how amazing she was. I am forever grateful that I had those special moments even though they were extremely hard.