There are days that I just ACHE for you. I miss you everyday, but some days it is more intense and I ache for your physical being. I have been having a lot of these days lately. I cry at the drop of a hat. A certain song comes on, just the tune of another song, seeing a Sonic, running errands, having your face flash in my memory. I put my sunglasses on until I regain my composure. I miss the everyday mundane things. Helping you shove that brace into those ugly shoes we both hated so much. Driving to Sonic twice a day. I miss the looks and compliments we would get on your “Moses” walking stick.
I long for our talks. For our inside jokes. The secret looks we would give each other. Of course some say they were not that secret! I know you are here in my heart. I know you are watching over me. But I just want to see you and I want to laugh with you. I was sharing a memory with Mindy (my cousin/friend). I was laughing about something we did and said. Mindy asked “how did ya’ll have such an amazing relationship?” I didn’t know how to answer that. We just did. God blessed us.
I had a dream that THIS was all a dream. I walked into the house and froze. I asked what you were doing here and you said you have always been here. That I just had a bad dream. I wish that was true.On days like this, I just pray. I try to channel your strength. I try to think the way you would think.
People ask me if I’m ok. I’m ok in the sense that I can still do my wife and motherly duties. But in the sense of “hey your mom just died, how are you?” I’m not ok.
Blessing: My brothers pitching in for Cindy’s Silver Linings