It was a good day. It was a sad day. It was Grandparents Day at school. I was so excited for my parents to take part in this day. I remember as a kid looking forward to it. It never crossed my mind that mom would not be here for her first school organized grandparents day.
When mom first got sick, I refused to google anything. I was relying on faith and what HER doctors were saying. I accidentally came across a statistic about GBM one day after reading an article on brain cancer advancements. It stated that GBM life expectancy is 5 years. I felt a little hope. At least mom would see Isabella and Matthew in a few school events. I remember talking to mom about how I stumbled across this. She didn’t say much. I talked to John (oldest brother AKA google master). He reassured me it was wrong. It was an old statistic before the new meds that mom was on. He lied to make me feel better. He knew I wouldn’t google more. He was protecting me. I’m thankful for that in a strange way. The ever protective big brother 🙂
As today approached, I wasn’t sure how I would take it. I let Isabella choose her green outfit (green day). She chose the outfit Mammie bought her…..”That way Mammie will be with me also”. She amazes me everyday. Seeing the kids walk hand in hand with just Papa broke my heart. Walking into the school building tore my insides. Pictures were being taken with grandpas AND grandmas. Everywhere. I felt like dad was feeling my same feelings. We walked into the classroom and the teacher pointed to their activity: “Does she have her grandparents?” the teacher asked. “Just me” dad replied. A simple sentence that punched me in the stomach. As much pain as I am feeling daily, I know dad feels more. I hate the thought of him being alone. I walked away letting them have their day. I pictured in my head mom sitting on the other side of Isabella applauding her creativity during the activity.
Blessing of the Day: Acknowledging to myself those certain people in my life that I know I can lean on. That know me well enough to always have the right thing to say….or nothing to say. They just hug and say “when you’re ready”