I am the queen of distraction and keeping myself busy so as to not be left with a reality that I don’t really want to face. But every now and then, when my guard is completely down, BAM! Reality strikes and I have nothing to do but face it. Or in this case, search every place in my house where I know we keep and store saved birthday, graduations, shower cards, etc. A while back, when I had finally rounded up a large stack of who knows how many cars, I filled them in two boxes and stored them in my daughter’s closet. I laughed at myself and just assumed that I must be a card hoarder. I have never been more thankful of that until I saw this, first thing yesterday morning when I woke up, turn on my night stand light, and saw a card that was given to Vivian on Sunday when we celebrated birthdays:
Of course, the one above is actually the card that I received as well because I immediately went to find the card that he had given me as well.
Funny that I didn’t notice it Sunday. I am certain it is because, just as Sherry stated in her post, everyone stayed busy so as to not feel the emotional affect of the obvious voices and laughs that were missing.
In 35 years of birthdays, two children, a graduation, Easters, Valentine’s Days, etc., this was my first “John”. And it was beautifully heartbreaking. Like, someone forgot to sign their name too. So I felt the need to go and find a birthday card with Cindy’s handwriting. Just to see it again? I don’t know. Who knows. I often chase rabbits…but I was thankful for this one:) Before I quit looking, I found these:
So as I sat reminiscing, I thought about how hard this was going to be for my cousins, Uncle, Dad, Aunt Sherry, etc., everytime another holiday or birthday passed. In even pulled up a video that Sherry sent me of her singing Happy Birthday to lil Matthew and played it as if she were singing to me. That and “The Itsy Bitsy Spider”:) HA! And then I wondered if they would do the same.
Even funnier is when my mom called my on my birthday and sang as she always does, when she was finished, I asked her if she would do it again when I got my recording on. And of course, she did. How lucky I am that I got the chance to do that? Of course, it wouldn’t hurt any less if she weren’t here to sing to me, but I can’t help thinking about all the “I’m never gonna hear…” or “we’re never going to do……again” that so many must be going through right now.
I wish I would have kept more cards. I wish I would have gone to more family bdays. I wish we could turn back time and start it all over again, just to relive the days when Cindy and the kiddos would come to Grandma’s house and we’d all watch “Space Camp” and then make a “space shuttle” in the garage afterwards and pretend we were astronauts. Life was so simple and carefree as a child. Too bad I enjoy it from the viewpoint of looking back and didn’t embrace it as much when I was in the present.
But I guess that happens to many of us.
So save your cards. Save letters, pictures, little notes. Heck, even save special messages. You never know when they will be the last ones.