Mom has been gone a week now. I still feel like she is just on a needlepoint retreat. I keep wanting to call her just to chit chat or tell something about the boys and dad. I’m in denial. I don’t want to fully accept she is gone. Who will I talk to? Who won’t judge me or tell me to stop stressing. She always had an answer and always knew the right thing to say.
I cleaned out her bathroom drawers today. It made me laugh and cry. The lady had lots of junk, lots of makeup, and LOTS of nail polish! I could smell her as I cleaned. I looked at things and remembered her wearing it or remembered her buying it. I found a piece of paper that she had written on that simply said “keep this paper”. That one made me laugh. She saved everything!
People say it will get better. I know it will. The void will never be filled, but I know I will feel better. People say they know how I feel, but no one really does. No one truly knew how close our relationship was. How much we shared.
The dream I had about mom was the best affirmation of where she is and it came at the best time. Like she said, God is always on time. She asked me “did you see it?” I said “no. What did it look like?” She replied with “it was bright and beautiful with trumpets sounding!” I asked if Uncle Rick was there and she said yes, he was cracking jokes. I asked about grandma and grandpa and she said they welcomed her with open arms.
Blessing of the Day: We had our first Terrific Tuesday dinner since mom passed. It was hard. I fought off tears the whole time, but we WILL continue it.