My thoughts on August 27, 2013

Mom has been gone a week now. I still feel like she is just on a needlepoint retreat. I keep wanting to call her just to chit chat or tell something about the boys and dad. I’m in denial. I don’t want to fully accept she is gone. Who will I talk to? Who won’t judge me or tell me to stop stressing. She always had an answer and always knew the right thing to say.

I cleaned out her bathroom drawers today. It made me laugh and cry. The lady had lots of junk, lots of makeup, and LOTS of nail polish! I could smell her as I cleaned. I looked at things and remembered her wearing it or remembered her buying it. I found a piece of paper that she had written on that simply said “keep this paper”. That one made me laugh. She saved everything!

People say it will get better. I know it will. The void will never be filled, but I know I will feel better. People say they know how I feel, but no one really does. No one truly knew how close our relationship was. How much we shared.

The dream I had about mom was the best affirmation of where she is and it came at the best time. Like she said, God is always on time. She asked me “did you see it?” I said “no. What did it look like?” She replied with “it was bright and beautiful with trumpets sounding!” I asked if Uncle Rick was there and she said yes, he was cracking jokes. I asked about grandma and grandpa and she said they welcomed her with open arms.

Blessing of the Day: We had our first Terrific Tuesday dinner since mom passed. It was hard. I fought off tears the whole time, but we WILL continue it.

About Sherry

I'm not sure about me yet. I lost my mom, my best friend, my confidant to brain cancer. I see the good it has brought in others, I'm just not sure yet how it has changed me for the better. Her kindness and finding joy in sadness has been passed to us, but this is a pain I have never felt. I know she would not want us sitting around crying, she would want us enjoying each other and laughing and continue to grow closer. She loved when we all got together and just laughed and that's what we have been doing. But honestly, I'm really scared of life without her. I relied on her for everything. Most of my time was spent with her, so I'm just not sure about me. I just take it day by day and try to find the beauty of gray.
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One Response to My thoughts on August 27, 2013

  1. Mindy says:

    Well that just made me cry! Thank you so much for sharing! I still get such a kick out of the fact that with all that nail polish, she didn’t have a single clear for me to use on our silly ribbons:)
    “Save this paper” – love it! Did you ask your dad about it? I wish we knew the story behind it!

    And what a beautiful dream and gift from the LORD! Thank you for sharing your heart and truth in this heart wrenching new journey that, you are right, no not really knows what it’s like. Only you and her.

    Love you!
    Min

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